Five signs your relationship won't last, according to a therapist

Keep an eye out for these red flags.

Every relationship has its bad days, but how do you know when you and your partner just aren't meant to last?

Even if you were head over heels to begin with, relationships don't work out for all kinds of reasons and the signs you're wasting your time can be way more subtle than arguing or cheating.

Thankfully there are some warning signs that could clue you into the fact that you and your partner have hit a dead-end and should cut your losses. We asked relationship therapist Sally Baker to share just a handful of ways you might not be on the same page.

1. You wish they were an entirely different person

Are you guilty of trying to mold your other half into a fantasy version of your perfect partner? "In the beginning of a new relationship, a prospective partner will show you who they are, warts and all," says Baker. "If you listen hard enough they can't help but outline their shortcomings."

Perhaps they don't have the same life goals as you or they display negative behaviour that you chose to ignore. "Those early days were your prime opportunity to listen to their truth and rationally assess if they are a good fit for you or not," says Baker.

Even if you ignored your gut reaction, it doesn't take long for the idealised version of a partner to become a threadbare fantasy and the glaring reality of who they are to become a constant source of friction.

2. The sexual chemistry has fizzled out

Sex isn't the only barometer of whether a relationship is going to last or not , but its a pretty important one to watch out for.

"The frequency of sex is surprisingly a less predictable measure of whether a relationship will or won't last. It is how the couple feels about the sex they have together that matters most," says Baker.

"It's not unusual to find couples who are blissfully happy together who rarely have sex together.

"Equally, couples who regularly engage in 'make-up sex' after blazing rows might have more intense sex, but be using it to cloak all sorts of issues in their relationship which ultimately mean it won't last."

3. They disrespect you

"Relationships can survive all sorts of differences – be they differences in taste such as in music or films or even more fundamental differences such as supporting different political parties," says Baker.

Within stable relationships though, she says that differences are allowed to be mutually aired and differing viewpoints are respected. "A sign of a relationship that is not going to last is when respect is not there."

Baker believes that this is often shown through initially small actions such as being spoken over, being interrupted, being belittled or undermined.

"What begins as small transgressions of respect tends to build over time to become a tsunami of intolerance."

Often within a couple, this way of interacting is uncomfortable but is normalised to a degree. "It will require either partner to take a step back and hear how they interact together from a fresh viewpoint if they have any hope of making a positive impact on how they communicate with each other."

4. Friends don't get your relationship

Baker believes that the opinion of your friends is often a more accurate indicator of whether your relationship will last than the opinion of your family.

"We choose our friends as they tend to share our value system, whereas families can be left behind and feel alienated by lifestyle choices we make in adulthood."

With a few provisos, friends can be an accurate barometer of whether a relationship will last or not.

"Providing your friends don't feel jealous or pushed out by your focus on a new relationship, consider whether they like your new partner and if they fit in well socially with your group, as this can be a positive sign for the future," says Baker.

"If a new partner is at odds with many aspects of your social circle the relationship probably has less favourable odds of lasting."

5. You're not being true to the core of who you are

Core beliefs are part of how many people define who they are, and it's hard to imagine a long-term future for any couple who do not share the same vision for a happy life.

"The real key to knowing if your relationship is going to last or not is to listen to each other," says Baker. "It's important to strip away optimism and instead to make a fair appraisal of the reality of your relationship."

That way, you'll truly know whether you're on to a good thing or if it's time to say goodbye.

Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto