10 things you’ll know if you’re incapable of keeping anything tidy
We’re ‘mess-blind’ and proud.
When it comes to tidiness, you either have it or you don’t.
For neat freaks, keeping everything in order is a way of life, while those with an ever-present ‘floordrobe’ are equally unlikely to change their ways.
Here are a few things you’ll know if mess is your day-to-day default, and Monica from Friends would never, ever invite you back…
1. There’s such a thing as ordered chaos
From the outside, a messy room might seem more madness than method, but it’s often a meticulously maintained equilibrium in which we can find things even if no one else can.
If we did put something away in a cupboard, it would be out of sight, and then probably out of mind. Everything has a proper place, which just so happens to be wherever we left it.
2. Tidying is stressful, not calming
From Marie Kondo to Mrs Hinch, the internet is increasingly convinced that cleaning is now therapeutic rather than soul-destroyingly dull. Next we’ll be hearing about the self-care qualities of doing your tax returns.
3. Messiness makes you more intelligent
In the words of the notoriously untidy Albert Einstein: “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
Studies have long suggested that mucky pups are smarter and more creative, so not only will we continue to be messy, we will do so with an undeserved air of smug superiority.
4. It’s not great for first impressions
Never judge a book by its cover, and never judge a person by the state of their desk drawer. We’re often told that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’, but being messy doesn’t necessarily equal incompetent or lazy – we may just have different priorities.
5. Not everything needs to ‘belong’ somewhere
If you use something regularly it does not need a special peg, designated sideboard spot, or a specific square foot of shelf.
6. It affects the rest of your lifestyle
Ok, so there are a few negatives. We’re sure there are people that are effortlessly punctual and fastidious, who also happen to live in a pig sty, but we’re yet to meet them.
7. Occasionally, you do have to conduct a purge
Everyone has a breaking point, and for you that’s around the time your visitors start using the phrase ‘health hazard’. Expect to find cassettes you can no longer play, a handful of stale Wotsits, and unopened letters from 2013.
8. When people say ‘sorry it’s such a mess’, it’s never a mess
We’ve all been there. You walk through the front door to a carpet that’s cleaner than your kitchenware, a sofa stocked with perfectly fluffed cushions, and china ornaments that blind you with their dazzling sheen. Your host utters that inexplicable phrase: ‘Sorry it’s such a mess’.
The type of person that would apologise for their house being a mess, is also the type that would never let it be true.
9. You’re a master of the ‘quick clean’
Of course, by ‘quick clean’ we mean shoving mountains of miscellaneous stuff under the bed every time you have guests, or you’re feeling particularly optimistic about tonight’s date.
10. You can’t understand why people get so worked up about it
‘Oh no, there’s a T-shirt on the floor, I guess that’s my day ruined.’
If people put half as much time into helping the needy as they do tutting at other people’s living rooms, world hunger could be solved within the hour.
